Holy shit!
We made it. It’s the final day of the decade. Once again, the cynics are wrong. The world hasn’t exploded into oblivion.
As we enter the 21st round of the roaring ’20s, it’s impossible not to recognize how far I’ve come. I’ve seen so much development in my relationships, my career as a comedian, the love of two adorable pugs, my physical well-being, and my general outlook on life as a whole.
One of the biggest lies we are fed as young people is that we will stop growing when we are eighteen. Doctors and teachers instill this truth in us and because we are too naive to know better, we believe them.
What they should be telling us is that we will stop growing physically. Yes, once you are of legal age to gamble and smoke cigarettes, you’ll never get any closer to touching the sky.
What they neglect to inform us is that if we are living life the right way, we will never stop growing.
Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually.
Continued growth is the cornerstone of being a successful human.
Ten years ago I had been living in Los Angeles for a little over a year. I had begun my comedy journey, had great friends, an awesome girlfriend, and was having a ton of fun. Only issue: I still didn’t like myself.
I hated the way I looked. My eczema made my skin feel rough and my face look like the surface of Mars. I avoided mirrors. When someone would compliment me, I would immediately downplay it and say something self-deprecating. I blamed society for my problems because it was easier than diving inward and trying to understand myself and my feelings.
In short, I wasn’t growing. Of course, nobody else knew this. Even I wasn’t aware of it. I’d set my life to cruise-control. I’d become comfortable coasting, soaking up the California sun and doing my best to avoid the self-hatred I felt daily.
Change is never easy. It’s often terrifying because it means you need to leave behind all the comforts you have settled into. It also doesn’t happen overnight. It’s going to take a lot longer than you want it to.
My call-to-action came from a few different sources.
First of all, my girlfriend (who I am still with today), showed me more love than I believed I was entitled to. She saw through my scratchy exterior into a soul that was kind, gentle, and loving. Through positive reinforcement, she checked me every time I said something negative about myself. It didn’t stop the thoughts, but it did make me notice them.
Comedy was one of my biggest motivators. Before I had unplaced manic energy, now I had an outlet to shovel all the emotional bullshit that used to pile up in my brain. Through writing and performing, I channeled everything I had into creating unique jokes and projects.
I began reading books again. I would devour novels of all kinds, both fiction and non. I soaked up what others had learned and applied the principles and stories to my own life. Instead of turning on the TV immediately, I forced myself to read. It wasn’t always easy, but every time I did I felt better and my thirst for knowledge grew.
In 2011, I started going to festivals. I had always been a rampant concert-goer. But the festival scene was levels above going to a nightclub and seeing a band. I found a place where people were not only loving the fuck out of life but also expressing themselves in ways I had never seen. Love, sharing, happiness, and silliness were abundant. It wasn’t long before these qualities trickled into my life. I looked at how free everyone was in their clothing, their actions, their general demeanor. I started to ask myself: Who am I? How do I want to present myself to the world?
In 2013 we adopted a ten-week-old pug. Although I had grown up with dogs, I never had a great relationship with them. Living with a puppy was brand new to me. There were a few dark moments where I even thought about giving him back. The responsibility was overbearing. But as the days went on, I realized how much this little wrinkled fur-sack loved me and it was impossible to not love him back. It doesn’t matter how I feel about myself, this guy will always treat me with the same level of adoration. If he can love me unconditionally, can’t I do the same for myself?
Around the middle of the decade, I found myself feeling very different about my place in the world. I had been living a selfish life where I always thought ME ME ME ME ME. I hated myself yet couldn’t stop thinking about me all the time. Talk about unhealthy narcissism. I wasn’t showing gratitude or outward love to the people around me. So I flipped a switch. I began writing about all the beautiful friends and family and sharing it on social media. The more I wrote, the stronger and more connected I felt to everything around me.
In the past year, I’ve invited meditation into my life. Every day for at least ten minutes I sit and allow myself to simply exist. Just be. There’s no goal other than to invoke calmness. I was always traveling at a hundred miles per hour, never giving my brain a break. Since I began this process, I see everything much more clearly. I don’t get angry or upset at situations beyond my control. I am far happier than I have ever been.
Growth is everything. If you strive to be a better version of yourself, you'll not only live a more meaningful existence, but you'll create the life of your dreams.
It won’t be easy but there are a few simple things you can begin right now.
Look at your past ten years. Think about where you were and where you are now.
Now jump ahead ten years. It’s the year 2030. Where are you? What are you doing? Think about meeting this older, grander, wiser, more magnificent you. Realize it’s not only attainable. It’s necessary. You’ll never stop growing into everything you are meant to be. You just have to want it.
Take a moment today and think about it. Here are a few things you can do to help yourself get there.
Read.
Do something that scares you.
Write.
Meditate.
Reach out to friends and tell them what they mean to you.
Call a family member you haven’t spoken to in a while.
Go on a hike.
Let a dog lick your face (even if you think it’s gross).
Volunteer.
Never stop believing in yourself. Be as genuine as possible. You have unlimited potential and power. You are enough. Love who you are and others will love you as well.
Ten years is a long time for personal growth. I can’t wait to see where you end up.
Happy New Year.
Now go get fucked up. You earned it.