If it happened once I could have ignored it. Brushed it off without giving it even a brief moment to infect me. But twice? In the same week? Goddammit. Now I have to pull out my emotional microscope and get ready to look under the lens.
Two people, both of whom I consider to be very close friends, stated that I was annoyingly positive. Let that sink in for a moment. Typically I reserve the word “annoying” for my upstairs neighbor who has been sanding his floor consistently for the last two years. I also say it when I’m waiting in a long line for a simple errand. I would even say it when I have to press the volume button 45 times when I switch from HBO to Hulu because for some reason we can’t solve the channel app volume gap any more than we can fix the wealth gap. That’s annoying AF.
But positivity?? Annoying? I’m going to have to break this down.
First of all, the “A” word is a descriptor that has been attached to me since I was a toddler. It was a badge I wore proudly as a rebellious young whippersnapper. I didn’t have conversations; I screamed orders. I would deliberately prod people for the sheer fun of watching them get aggravated. I would sing songs loudly when I didn’t know the words as I was walking down the street. That shit was super annoying. I didn’t press buttons. I smashed the keys so they would never work again. Ask any teacher to describe me and I guarantee you that word would be in the top three (Disruptive and lazy would be the others. Sorry “funny,” you’ve been overruled).
Being annoying was all part of my brand before I ever knew what that meant. But as the years went on and I began to work on myself, I realized that it was not beneficial to anyone to exert that type of useless energy.
For the past 4 years, you’d be hard-pressed to find examples of me being the rude degenerate that is still very much ingrained in my roots. Books like The Four Agreements have taught me principles that have become stalwarts in my psyche.
If you’re not familiar with the agreements, here they are:
Be impeccable with your word.
Don’t take anything personally.
Don’t make assumptions.
Always do your best.
Simple, right? By constantly reminding myself of those statements, any negativity tends to slide off me like a pickle thrown at a window. It may linger and leave a snail trail of brine, but eventually, it’s going to hit the ground.
I read about ten personal development books a year. I used to refer to them as self-help but I didn’t like the connotation that I needed to be rescued, even if it was me who was saving myself. As humans we are always developing in some way, therefore the growth mindset is much easier to attach yourself to if you flip the language. Don’t help me! Allow me to develop!
I consider my sunny disposition to be an invitation for others to join me as I soak up rays of light from anyone and everything. As I merrily stroll through the streets, I smile at each person that passes my way. A mother pushing a stroller: Smile. A jogger decked out in neon taking strides so long you have to wonder what he’s running from: Smile. A schizophrenic alcoholic brandishing a knife in the middle of a busy intersection: Smile (but I’m keeping my windows rolled up).
Positivity isn’t something you acquire. It’s a conscious choice. There are a thousand moments in every day that could make you say “fuck everyone and fuck the world and fuck me for dropping my burger on the ground before I even took a bite.” We are constantly being challenged by our environment to join the dark side of our emotions. Sometimes the tiniest slip, even if you don’t fall, is enough to push you over the edge.
Even as a species, we tend to vocalize bad moods over good ones. Complaining is easy because you get to be the victim. Take pity on me, everyone! I’m having a shit-in-my-own mouth type of day and If I tell you about it then you’ll be forced to sympathize.
Celebrating your happiness is a truly vulnerable act. You’re about to profess to the world that you’ve done well. Time to pat yourself on the back as you skip down the sidewalk! By simply raising the corners of your mouth toward the top of your head, you’re opening yourself to ridicule from the depressors.
We all know who I’m talking about. I used to be one of them. You may be one right now. There are some people who find it troubling to be around positivity. For whatever reason, your glee is enough to drive them even further down the pity path. Have you ever been in a great mood only to have someone say “What are you so happy about?” Not with a tone of “I really am curious why you’re dancing in the street” but more with the impression “You shouldn’t be feeling this way.” That, my friends, is a depressor. I know, because I’m usually actively fighting my desire to revert back to that exact mentality.
Last week was stressful. The presidential election was still in the air, COVID was breaking 100,000 cases a day, WINTER IS COMING. I felt the weight of looming gloom casting a shadow over the country. I listened to friends who were freaking out, but personally, I didn’t allow it to affect me. Instead of slouching into a repressed state, I went outside to play. Yup, I’m a 35-year-old man who still needs his daily recess. I played tennis, went to the beach, I even went stand-up paddleboarding through the Venice Canals. I filled my days with joyous activities and avoided the media as much as possible.
I’ll say it again. Positivity is a conscious choice.
This is where anxiety, depression, pressure, and stress all come in. When someone is stuck under a mountain of negative thoughts, I attempt to be the sherpa that helps pick up some of their belongings to lighten the load. I do this because I care, but this is also where true vulnerability happens. By sharing my methods of remaining calm and jovial, I’m going to inherently piss people off. When you’re discontent, you want others to commiserate with your feelings. Instead, here I am, colorful and raging with an overly enthusiastic level of cheer. Another word for that?
Annoying.
My optimism and mood are completely dictated by me. Other humans cannot affect my outlook on life, at least not in a negative way. I don’t allow those emotions to enter. Sometimes they slip through the back door, but I’m usually pretty good about keeping it locked. So is my fiance, but that’s a different story and I can sometimes pry it open if we’re drunk enough. Heyo!
I’ll never give up hope. I don’t care what state of disarray we have fallen into. There may come a day when I’m walking through a torched city, shirtless, a bazooka strapped to my back, dragging my dead family on a rope tied to my belt, and I’ll still be glad that I was hopeful for a better existence. Plus I’ll probably be super ripped.
I’m still pragmatic and I consider myself a realist, but I’m optimistic as fuck when it comes to my life and the minor role I have in adding to the well-being of society. So if I’m so positive that you consider it annoying, realize it has come from years of excruciating self-care and deep reflection. If you’re not down with that, then go eat a sandwich in the corner while I figure out how to love you unconditionally. I suggest the banh mi. It’s delicious.
You can’t break me or my spirit. My blood is made of rainbows and lollipops. The more you try to bring me down, the more freely I will float. I’m unapologetic in my eternal quest for joy. So maybe I am ANNOYING. The truth is, I don’t give a shit. I’ve spent enough time on the other side to know that I want to be in a place where the sun is always shining.
Do you want to join me? Or is spreading joy a bothersome and irritating act? You have a choice.
See you on the bright side.